Sunday, September 03, 2006

Crunchy Frog

So last night I met up with a bunch of the guys at a local nightspot, the Tiki Bar for several frosty-cold adult beverages. It's a really nice place and as the name says, it's an outside Tiki Bar. The best part about this place it's within staggering distance to my place...
Anyway, so late last night I stagger home and while I'm talking to my honey several time zones away I go to toss something in the trash and notice something odd laying on the floor next to the trash can. I look down to see a very dead and very mummified frog.
How it got there is beyond me, but I was immediately reminded of one of my favorite Monty Python sketches, "Crunchy Frog" and now that I have the digital camera and I was somewhat inebriated I immortalized the said crunchy frog...
Those of you who've never seen the old Monty Python's Flying Circus TV shows are missing something... That is if you get dry British humor. The sketch goes like this:

PRALINE: Mr Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
MILTON: I am.
PRALINE: Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled The Whizzo Quality Assortment.
MILTON: Ah, yes.
PRALINE: If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the cherry fondue. This is extremely nasty but we can't prosecute you for that.
MILTON: Agreed.
PRALINE: Next we have number four - "crunchy frog".
MILTON: Ah, yes.
PRALINE: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?
MILTON: Yes. A little one.
PRALINE: What sort of frog?
MILTON: A dead frog.
PRALINE: Is it cooked?
MILTON: No.
PRALINE: What, a raw frog?
MILTON: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.
PRALINE: That's as maybe, it's still a frog.
MILTON: What else?
PRALINE: Well don't you even take the bones out?
MILTON: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy would it? It says "crunchy frog" quite clearly.
PRALINE: Well, the superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some form of mock frog.
MILTON: Mock frog? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!
PRALINE: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words "crunchy frog", and replace them with the legend "crunchy raw unboned real dead frog", if you want to avoid prosecution.
MILTON: What about our sales?
PRALINE: Fuck your sales, I have to protect the general public. Now how about this one. It was number five, wasn't it? Number five, ram's bladder cup. What kind of confection is this?
MILTON: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit.
PRALINE: Lark's vomit?
MILTON: Correct.
PRALINE: Well it don't say nothing about that here.
MILTON: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.
PRALINE: Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it would be more appropriate if the box bore a large red label warning lark's vomit.
MILTON: Our sales would plummet.
PRALINE: Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionery, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavour I'm led to understand. I mean look at this one, "cockroach cluster", "anthrax ripple". What's this one, "spring surprise"?
MILTON: Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it in your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through-both cheeks.
PRALINE: Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.
MILTON: It's a fair cop.
PRALINE: Stop talking to the camera.

So now I give you my crunchy raw unboned real dead frog...
And lets' hope next week I don't find a dead parrot... Norwegian Blue's have fine plumage...

6 comments:

cmk said...

Well, at least MY wildlife isn't DEAD when I find it! :)

AlaskaJen said...

As long as we have an understanding about no more dead frog pictures...crunchy or otherwise! I didn't have nearly enough alcohol for that!

Fathairybastard said...

That show is immortal. Never gets old.

Kev said...

My brain itches.

Miss Fire said...

This comment relates to this post and the grilling one. As you now know, frogs are plentiful here in FLA. They're everywhere you don't want them to be.

One night, I went out to light the grill - lifted the lid, lit it, put lid down. I came back out a few minutes later, lifted lid, and guess what I found...a crunchy frog! Apparently, he was hiding down in the coals and once the grill was lit, tried to escape. He made it as far as the rack.

I screamed. Hubby had to come out and remove the poor thing.

Frog legs, anyone?

Kev said...

Miss Fire, that certainly beats my "small critter hanging out in the engine block" story.

But back to something completely different ...