OK. Most of you who've been following my blog for a while know how, ehem... blessed with this uncanny ability to attract the wrong women...For the last few months I had been dating a woman. She was, and still is a very nice person who meant really well... But again, even after several conversations about this, she insisted on smothering me and mothering me.
I seem to attract three types of women: The first is the psychotic stalker type, second is the woman who is on the surface a intelligent, educated woman but a complete moron, and the third, which I find the most infuriating, the woman who insists I need a mother and wants to "Take Care of Me".
The third is also the most 'clingy"...
I couldn't take a shit without her knowing about it.
Well, not really, but it felt that way.
Few examples below...
I'd get a call, every day, on her 10 AM smoke break... Then another at noon, then at 2PM... Then on her way home from work... Then before dinner... Then before bed...
Every damn day!
Then, when she'd be over my house... She'd talk to me a lot of times like I was her 6 Year old son... "Here, let me help you with that" or "Would you eat this? Is this something you'd eat...?"
What the fuck!
If I needed help, I'd ask for it!
I'm 44 and have been on my own since I was 17. I had a mom and don't need another one. I can take care of myself pretty well, thank you.
I need a partner... Not a Mother!
Back to the clinginess... I was really getting sick of these phone calls... I could see if something happened... But it was mostly like this:
Her: "Hi! What are you doing?"
Me: "Eh, drinking a cup of coffee, watching the news.... You?"
Her: "Nothing, just on break..."
Me: " Ooookay..."
Her: "Did you eat anything?"
Me: "No..."
Her: "Well, you really should eat something..."
Here's were the blood would start to shoot out of my eyes... I DO NOT EAT BREAKFAST! I had told her this over and over again... I just drink a few cups of coffee in the morning when I first get up. Maybe a few hours later I'll get a bite to eat. I've been like that for years, ok? I know it's not really healthy, but it's the way I am. The mere thought of food when I first get up makes me nauseous.
But still over and over again she'd persist on trying to make me eat something in the morning.
Mothering me.
It was infuriating!
Another thing was this... She'd spend the weekend and we'd get up in the morning and I'd put the coffee on, go out and get my newspaper and sit on my porch with a cup of coffee, a smoke and do the LA Times crossword...
It's my "Zen" time...
She'd come out and join me, still trying to get me to eat something... Then not shut the fuck up!
"What are you thinking?"
And I'd be thinking "I need a six letter word for shut the fuck up!"
Then later... Getting dressed I get this:
"You're not going out like that, are you?"
"What? It's a T-Shirt, shorts and sandals!" (and believe it or not, everything matched...)
"Well, you really should let me take you clothes shopping..."
Oh, here we go. Trying to dress me now...
"Yes, I'm going out dressed like this... It's 10 AM, already 95 F and we're going to an outside Flea Market!"
What ever happened to the time when two people were dating and after a nice night (or next morning) you parted ways, and made plans for the next weekend... "I had a great night, I'll give you a call Thursday and we'll make plans for next weekend?" And left it at that?
What is is with people who have to talk to one another every damn day several times a day? My best friend and I maybe talk once a month... And we're both OK with that.
You guys really should have seen the look on her face when she found out my cell phone wouldn't work in Australia... It was classic!
The final straw was a few weeks ago...
I had told her there was a program on the Science Channel I really wanted to watch one night. A marathon of "Through the wormhole with Morgan Freeman", which was going to play into the wee hours.
I told her I'd give her a phone call when I got up...
Again, those of you who read this blog regularly know how I work during sugar harvest season. Seven day's a week, no break for months. I'm a slave to the alarm clock and maybe only get 4 or 5 hours' sleep a night.
In the summer I want to go to bed when I want to, and get up when I want to... Sleep as long as I want.
So I tell her I'd call her the next day when I got up.
OK sez she...
I stay up, watch the shows (which were very cool, BTW) and didn't get to bed until 5 AM...
10:30 in the fucking morning my phone goes off...
Me: "Hullo?"
Her: "Are you OK? I was worried about you!"
What fucking part of I'll call you when I GET THE FUCK UP didn't you FUCKING understand????
Here's another time that in a way might be TMI, but it's worth relating... one day I had, well, a little 'intestinal problem' and was somewhere in my house I couldn't leave at the moment. My cell phone went off, and of course I couldn't get to it... It goes to voice mail and three seconds later my house phone goes off... Again I couldn't get to it... This pattern went of for several minutes...
Finally I get to my phones and see it was her... I call her back... They're had to be some emergency...
She just wanted to say Hi...
One more thing... Sitting in on a Saturday night... Just finished up with supper and no plans to go out, just hang around the house... The remote is gone, she's got it and some chick movie is now on TV on the Lifetime Network... but at the same time her face is buried in her laptop playing that moronic farmville shit on Facebook... I grab the remote to change the channel because she's obviously not watching the TV...
"I was watching that..."
I'm done.
I'd rather live alone than to put up with this shit.
I do not need a mother, someone to take care of me, someone who has to be attached at the hip and know my thoughts and actions during every waking moment of every day.
Or maybe it's just me... I'm the wrong one here.
In the meantime I'll be alone and be happy.
Copyright 2010 Thomas J Wolfenden
17 comments:
Tom, brother, in between moments of laughter come the I-know-exactly-what-you-mean nods!
Sorry to hear you had a bad time of it, but like you say, you're better off alone than with someone who doesn't let you be yourself.
I've been through most of that stuff you talked about, and I'm sure a lot of others can relate. But there are women out there who are wonderful and can learn to leave us the hell alone to do our thing and don't need to know where we are 24/7.
A lot of it is insecurity, but there's a point when reassuring her is just a cute thing we do becomes the most annoying thing on earth. At the end of the day, if someone needs THAT much reassurance, then she just doesn't really trust your word and it's time to call it a day.
Tim: I know, right? If I don't laugh, I'll cry!
I guess I'm just to old and been through too much shit to put up with even a little anymore... And you hit that nail right on the head about the insecurity...
Good to see you around! Stop back again, and I won't be a stranger over at your blog either... Haven't been over to ILSA lately. Maybe it's time I stopped back!
Stay cool up in the Great White North!
I really had to laugh because that so DOESN'T describe the kind of woman I am. Hell, the last time The Husband and I were in the same room to watch the same program was a week ago--and before THAT I couldn't even begin to remember! (We don't even sit in the same room to watch hockey--I get too upset over games. ;)) We definitely go our separate ways when we want--and that is a GOOD thing, as we really enjoy the time we do spend together.
CMK: Again I laugh too... I'd like to find someone like that. After years of doing things that someone else wanted to do, all of the time, I really enjoy the time I spend by myself... Yes, I enjoy a woman's company, but not all the time, like I said, being attached at the hip...
Every time I meet someone and I think it's going to work, little things start to emerge and I feel like I'm being controlled... Where are you? What are you doing? WTF!
ALONE. Say it with me - A. Lone. I love it.
Not eating breakfast is not unhealthy btw. I don't eat it either...and I have NO issues.
Kim: I've already decided I'm going to stay alone for a while... If I want to stay up all night watching TV naked eating cheetos and drinking Scotch I'm going to do it! ;)~
@RT - When you're next in Oz let me know. I'm from the city of VB - Melbourne. You can come and stay with me and I can show you around. I'm an ex-South African, so I'm down to earth.
No, you're not wrong. I wanted to KILL HER just reading it! WTF?
And btw anyone who grows cyber vegetables is a fucking lunatic!
Tell me if this scenario is better:
When I get there:
I do not like to be spoken to for the first hour I am awake[in fact better that you're gone].
I shall never call you unless I need you to pick me up something on your way home.
You are not allowed to call me[even at YOUR house] except for 3 times a week.
I do not mother and ask if I can get you/help you with that EVER....
....Here's the 'BUT'...
I treat everone who comes near me as a servant whom I find something for them to pass/grab get me.
I just believe in delegating.
Clingy people should be shot!
I HATE people pestering me.
* Not that I am anti social.
much.
Lime Lite: I've been told Melbourne is a beautiful city...
Uber: That's why we get along so well!
Oh and I mock everyone and give them silly[read nasty] nicknames. This will include all your friends and half your family.
I also do not like to be disturbed, so rarely answer the door[unless I am expecting a parcel* I shop a lot*] and I do not like to be at the beck and call of a phone so rarely answer[unless I am expecting a call I actually want to take].
I like a quiet home environment [unless I am blaring MY music when I want to dance].
I don't like men[or anyone] hanging around the house.You may be permitted to stay in your house if you're quiet,clean and don't talk too much. :)
I keep a very nice ,clean house, but prefer not to cook.
Do I sound like a perfect 'wife' or a self centered 'sociopath'?
Although, it sounds like it, I am not a moody or sulky person and am actually a happy lil' camper ,but just need a lot of 'me' time as I like to 'think' a lot[about how shitty the world/people are. :)
We need a bigger house though, Tommy. :)
Uber: You're unique... ;)
LOL * Just checking[you know what].
OMFG What does that mean when people say that to me?
Can't be good.It's likely code for 'FUCKED UP'.
I just belive that a home should be ones' castle and quiet oasis away from the maddening crowd[whom I do not like].
I'd have you begging for the company of Ms Clingy in a week,wouldn't I?
Careful what you wish for ,Tommy.
Another post now!
Oh yeah, I'm 'bossy' too.
Uber: You'd make my life interesting... And believe me, you'd never be bored either!
Sea story Tom:
Once upon a time a handsome Prince asked a beautiful Princess - 'Will you marry me and make me happy ever after'?
The beautiful Princess replied "No way".
So the handsome Prince lived happily ever after and played golf and drank beer and Scotch and dated women half his age and went fishing and hunting and collected guns and bet on horse races and left the toilet seat up.
The End.
Bluey: So very true! Glad you stopped by!
"moronic facebook shit" - I've been wondering how to describe it. I'm losing respect for some friends who stay buried in that crap.
awww but how nice she was to put that book tote together for your trip...;) Tooooooo needy.
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