Thursday, October 26, 2006

The hazards of being a railroader in Florida

So railroading can be a very dangerous profession as I was telling you the other day... Getting coupled together between rail cars and being hit or run over by a train being a few. Also add hungry alligators hanging around the switchstands and panthers in the cane fields...
Add to that list mosquitoes.
To say the avian insects here in the Everglades are endemic is an understatement. The official cologne of the US Sugar Railroad is Cutter's with 44% Deet.
So every night before I start my shift I liberally douse myself with what we lovingly called Bug Fuck in the Army. But I can't get it everywhere and most nights I'll have to re-apply it halfway through the shift because of me sweating it off.
But again, I reiterate... I can't get it everywhere.
Several days ago I got off my locomotive at a switchstand to make a backwards shove with a cut of twenty five cars into a cane loading elevator. It was very dark and the coffee I had just finished was going right through me. So me being a guy, I did what any guy would do in my position.
I unzipped and began to void...
And one of the little fuckers landed right on my Johnson and did his dirty work...
I've had insect bites just about everywhere before, but I've never, ever had one on my dick.
Not fun.
So, railroading in Florida is dangerous to one's joint.
Copyright 2006 Thomas J Wolfenden

12 comments:

Reba said...

Yikes. I don't even have a penis and I am feeling for ya. Maybe you should doing your spraying before you get dressed to be sure everything is covered.

Kev said...

I've stopped a bee in my pantleg just in the nick of time - in my office!

One of those buggers crawled up my grandfather's pantleg on the golf course. Needless to say, when freeing that bastard from its polyester prison, expedience trumped modesty.

mist1 said...

You could use this to your advantage, you know. A bite there is a conversation starter. And the right girl might just scratch your itch.

AlaskaJen said...

There had best not be any extraneous scratching of ANY of your itches for another 26 days! :o)

Jay said...

Yup, I'd say that I've learned something new here today.

penny said...

ended up with a wasp sting down town on one fishing trip...not fun

but whatever adds a little girth

Mushy said...

Oh man...that's got to be rough, especially in public when you want to scratch!

I wish you could have gotten the 'gator shot you were talking about...talk about hits...people would have flocked in!

cmk said...

I'm sorry--trying very hard not to laugh! LOL! Can't help it! (Although I AM sorry you have had such an unfortunate incident!)

Red said...

My brother found out years ago that you can't put Blue Star Ointment there, just in case you were considering trying it.. :)

Ranger Tom said...

Reba: Nah, I think I'll take my chances again...

Kev: I was attacked by a wasp once in my police car... In January, in Philly.

Mist1: I'm not in the habbit of whipping the old John Thomas out in public... And the only scratching being done lately is by me...

Alaska Jen: Again, the the only scratching has been solo... ;)

Jay: Every day is a learning experience with me... Never a dull moment.

Penny: I appriciate the advice, but I've never had any problems with girth at all... Or length for that matter...

Mushy: The season is still young... Photo-ops with alligators on my railroad tracks will be coming again!

Cmk: I thought it was pretty funny myself... One of my patented "WTF" episodes.

Red: Thought never crossed my mind. I'm just soldiering on with it...

The RHS said...

One time we (my wife and I) made an impromptu stop by a creek in the middle of nowhere to take a piss. Guess who got bit on the ass? =D

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Ewww. Not pleasant, I'm sure.