Why I gave up on internet dating

A few weeks ago I said that I had given up totally on the whole internet dating thing and here's a major reason Why. I was flip-flopping on posting these because of a moral dilemma. If I posted them I might be somehow violating some privacy issues, but the more I thought about it I realized that wasn't the case. The person who posted them on the internet gave them freely, and I feel that the person who posted them was guilty of fraud. Maybe not criminal fraud, but fraud on a different level. I'm not sure what you would call it, but it was a deception. After I thought about this deception for a while I began to feel better about posting them here. For the most part I'd never post anyone's picture without consent, and even the small grainy picture of Baby Bear taking the dump in the woods I got permission. All other pictures I post here of people, like what's found in my Funny Foto Fridays are found readily by doing a Google search for "Funny Pictures". So I began to feel better about exposing the deception.

About a year ago, when I still had a personals ad up on Yahoo Personals, I received a reply to my ad from a woman who was allegedly portrayed in the photo above. I'll admit it. I'm attracted to blondes, and being a child of the 80's really liked the hair. She seemed sincere in her first note and we began chatting on Yahoo IM. I had been burned by bullshitters in the past so I kept it like that for several weeks. I wasn't about to give out my phone number or jump into anything really fast. I wasn't going to get suckered by another pretty face.

We chatted like that for a few weeks, and seemed to get along ok. We had a lot of things in common, went to school at the same time, same age, like the same music, blah, blah, blah... But something still bothered me about her original photo. She admitted it was a few years old, and and I had to concede that mine was too. She said she still looked the same but had put on a few pounds. No biggie. That was never a really big deal in my books anyway. The most recent picture of me at the time was three years old and I basically look the same so I took her words as they were.

This went on for a few weeks and we had finally set up a afternoon date to have coffee. Before that could happen though she told me she had her daughter take a new picture of her and would I like to see it? Sure I said, send it...

Below is what she sent.

Ok. Imagine if you will my reaction... I'm really not that shallow, but come on! I know I'm no Ben Affleck or Brad Pitt by a very long shot... But what the fuck!

The first reaction was "She's had a rough paper route"... And all the tats. BIG, major turn-off. She never told me she had tats. One or two tastefully done tattoos are one thing, but the illustrated Lady? No way. And another thing. I was a cop for too long and I spotted it right away.

I contacted a deputy in the Sheriff's Office who I had become friends with and gave him her name and he immediately knew who she was. A rap sheet longer than my arm, mostly prescription fraud and bad checks, but also a few for prostitution thrown in for good measure. Didn't even have to go to NCIC or County or State data bases. He knew her by name. That's pretty bad when a cop knows someone like that. It tells of an ongoing pattern of contact with law enforcement... And not the good kind.

Just what I need.

Ok. I know that people can turn their lives around with drugs, alcohol or anything. Hell, even the issues I had in my own personal life I've charged and got control of and I'm nowhere near the person I was two years ago. I have very good friends who have a past of severe and chronic substance abuse. But they've taken control of their lives and are no longer that way, totally in control and better people. Anyone can turn their life around. But this was too much.

Adios Muchachas!

Does this make me shallow? Perhaps.

But what this shows is a pattern of lies and falsehoods. Trying to convince me she was a completely different person that who she really was. And it insulted me too on an intellectual level also... That I would be so stupid as to continue to believe the bullshit. Even before she sent the picture I was getting vibes that she wasn't being completely honest with me...

Maybe there's still a part of me that's the jaded, burnt out cop who doesn't believe a thing anyone says. I'll tell you, if I heard one more time "You're my hero" or "I'll never leave you" I'd scream. But don't try to bullshit me on something as basic as this. It'll only piss me off and insult my intelligence, definitely not win any points.

This wasn't an isolated incident either. The rest weren't this blatant or obvious, but it just seems that no one on these personals sites are who they portray themselves to be. I only met one person who was what they said they were and we're still very close and good friends now... And I'd like to think that the reason we're still not together as a couple is we're too much alike. She's like a carbon copy of me with ovaries.

But that's an anomaly from my standpoint.

I'm pretty sure there's tons of men out there doing the same thing so I'm not saying that only women do this. But from my experience it women like this one, or women who look like my grandmother looking for Russell Crowe...

For now I'll just work on the railroad and give up on the internet dating thing entirely.

Copyright 2006 Thomas J Wolfenden