So last night I get to work and begin my patrol. Everything is ok up until I finish at 11 PM at the Deli Mart and I'm sitting in the truck doing some paperwork (crosswords) and this Subaru pulls into the Deli's parking lot. I'm not to surprised at this because there's a few soda machines outside and many times people pull up to get a Coke or Pepsi in the middle of the night.
Until this woman gets out and storms right over to my truck. I roll down the window and ask if I could help her with anything.
"It's your fault!!" She screams. She then goes on at length telling me her husband has worked for the same company as I do for quite a few years, and I come along and they fire him...
OK, I get it. It's Barney's wife.
Throughout this whole diatribe I look at her deadpan waiting for her to finish her raving. After she finished and wipes the spittle from her mouth she looks at me with a "So what have you got to say for yourself now, smartypants?" look. I toss my paperwork (crossword) onto the dash and ask:
"Let me get this perfectly clear. Your husband wrecked a coal mine truck, and through his own stupidity never told anyone about it, and in doing so got himself fired. And this is all somehow my fault?"
"Yes!"
"His stupidity is MY fault?"
"Yes!!!!"
"No Ma'am. His stupidity is the product of generations of inbreeding."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nevermind."
"You, you butthole!" (Yes, she actually called me a butthole)
"There, you feel better now?"
With a final 'humf!" she stormed off and drove away leaving me wondering where the Mothership was tonight and why didn't it just come and beam these nutcases up and take them back to the home planet.
It was all my fault though. She must have been talking to my ex-wife. And speaking of my psychotic ex-wife, don't you all find it really ironic that the woman who told me over two years ago that nothing I said mattered and didn't want to have anything to do with me ever again continues to this day to read this blog several times a day? (thirteen times yesterday alone) That somehow what I've got to say now is important?
I guess the grass isn't really greener on the other side now is it? Your faggot cowboy boyfriend is leaching off you like all cowboys will do? He was just looking for a mommy and someone to take care of him?
You made your bed, you lie in it.
I'm happier now alone that I ever was with her. And I'm thinking of myself for a change. I sleep very well and can look myself in the mirror and hold my head high because I don't have her dragging me down anymore.
And if it's any consolation, that most definitely is my fault.
Copyright 2006 Thomas J Wolfenden
13 comments:
dammit
cowboys are leaches too?
dammit
Hmmmm.... 13 times a day is a little obsessive compulsive indeed.
as for the woman with spittle on her mouth, yuck! Reeks of low class.
Oh boy. Now I know how Barney found a wife!
But that's a pretty funny story.
I sure hope Barney and Mrs. Nutcase haven't bothered to reproduce..
On the other hand, my kids need someone to make fun of.
It continually amazes me the lengths people will go to just to avoid responsibility for their own lives.
I like how you named your paperwork. ;)
Hey RT's ex-wife: You suck!!!!
YOU GO BOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder if the inbreeding stab ever clicked with her?
I agree with Okie. RT's ex OLD LADY--YOU SUCK AAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!
It seems like all the shit hits the fan at that Deli Mart!
As for how you dealt with Barney's wife, that was GREAT. Too bad she didn't catch the imbreeding joke. I guess when your imbred yourself, you're just slow like that.
Pretty cool - Barney is still providing a good read for your millions of readers, albeit through his other half. Too bad he never reads it.
Guffaw - "butthole" is a word my children used frequently - they didn't get in trouble like when they used the "A" word.
a little compulsive indeed....but yet, another great post cause of barney!
as for your x-wife
I think she needs to get a life of her own and stop worrying about yours.
And here we thought all the Barney stories were gone.
If there's one thing that gets my hackles up, it's God's little self-appointed hall-monitors. And oral cancer - who wouldn't want a piece of that? Sexay!
wow, I'm amazed any woman would let a clever gem like you go. Poor thing - she must be suffering mightily, but she sounds like a jerk. Good for you for escaping - you probably put up with it for waaay too long, too!
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