Tuesday, March 21, 2006

So long, Barney!

Last Thursday I wrote that my schedule was again changing back to my old 2200 to 0600 shift because Barney was no longer with the company. My boss didn't say why he had to let him go, but after thirty-six hours in two days at the mine in Raven, VA and a shitty motel room later I now know the scoop.
Apparently Barney was working down at the mine last weekend and during one of his patrols he took one of the mine trucks and...
Well, you tell me.
If you were driving a full-sized Chevy pickup on a narrow, winding rural dirt road and one of the fan belts broke as you were coming to a sharp curve, a fan belt that controlled the power steering would you:
A) immediately hit your breaks as not to go over the hill?
B) Just drive over the hill doing major damage to the truck?
Well, if you answered "A" you'd be right... Not Barney. He chose "B"...
It gets better.
Not only did Barney drive the pickup over the berm and into a deep ditch, leaving the truck nearly standing on it's nose, he never told anyone about it.
That's right. The guy who writes in his patrol log when he takes a dump never says a word about the truck. He was relieved that Saturday and left the mine for home never telling a soul. If he had reported it right away, he'd probably still have a job.
He's that stupid.
Anyway, because of his colossal fuckup I had to pick up all his hours there this weekend and I have to go down there again this coming weekend. My boss better find someone for that contract soon, because I start the fire academy on the 1st of April and then my weekends will be tied up for the next month and he'll have to go there himself.
In one way I'm glad he's gone because he was such a major fuckup, but in another way I'm sad to see him go because he was such great fodder for my blog...
So long Barney!
Copyright 2006 Thomas J Wolfenden

13 comments:

Kev said...

Did he at least enter the crap he undoubtably took while sailing over the hill into the ditch into his log?

As Bill Cosby said, "First you're going to say it; then you're going to do it."

I think we're all going to miss Barney, Tom. With you providing a full degree of separation between him and us, he was a great source of amusement. I'd probably think different if I had to work with him, though.

Courtney said...

Barney's not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he???

Sherri said...

OMG! Did he really think nobody would know?? What a maroon! (LOL! My new favorit phrase.)

Miss Fire said...

ROFL! What a dumbass.

berly02 said...

How did he make it through life thus far?
It is a mystery.

Becky said...

Has *anyone* checked the gene pool for the proper chlorine levels lately? Geez louise!

Well, I'll miss your Barney stories, but I'll never cease to be amazed at the stupidity that's out there everyday.

tsduff said...

As in real life, all good things must come to an end. I too enjoyed reading about Barney... I related several of the stories to my Sweetie here and there, and we both laughed. I'm sure you will find many more things to write about, as you have a silver pen. What is up with the train thing? Any news?

Cheryl said...

Wow...that is just unbelievable. Sigh...no more Barney stories?:(

Katie said...

lmfao...that just made my day all better.lol..
i too will miss barney.
i just cant beleave he did not say anything to any body. i got that he was not to bright, but damn! lol

Lisa said...

I'm going to miss Barney too. I think he was dropped on his head alot throughout his childhood. Maybe even through his adulthood too.

honkeie2 said...

He will be missed by at least he gave us "One For the Road" before he went away

Bev said...

He writes in his patrol log when he takes a dump? That's the funniest thing ever!

phlegmfatale said...

Yes, it's a shame to lose such great fodder. What a booger-eating moron!