Monday, January 16, 2006

Mating in the workplace...

I've been sitting on this story for a few months now because the two people that were involved were still employed at the rescue squad... Small towns and news travels fast!

They're both gone now, so fuck em'!

I think I've said before that the apartment that's right next to mine is used by the local rescue squad as a substation. Overnights and weekends ambulance crews stage out of there to handle the northern half of the county.

Like mine, it's a fully furnished apartment... Including beds. And the bedroom is on the opposite side of the wall from my kitchen. Aside from these apartments being extremely small, the walls are paper-thin.

One night a few months ago I was awakened by what I thought was the ambulance crew watching a porn movie, only without the cheesy music, and it was very loud. Extremely loud... I realized right away I was listening to one of the rescue squad's crews rutting like rabbits. The woman was, shall I say very vocally appreciative... I've never been accused of being a "Minute Man" but I was thoroughly impressed with the stamina of both of them... When they finally finished I had to get a cold shower myself... I was worn out just listening to them.

What really gets me is that people do this at all. I've never been one to subscribe to what a good friend calls "fishing off the company pier". It just breeds animosity... And bad blood between your work mates if and when you break up. Not only that, it turns where you work into a giant soap opera, and I've always hated drama.

It's not good.

I only made that mistake once, quite a few years ago. I was still on the police department and started dating a woman cop on my squad.

We kept it undercover for a time, but the news got out and it was just one big headache. Not only that, since she was a woman in a traditionally male career, everything between us she turned into a competition. She had (like a lot of women who work in traditionally male fields) a colossal chip on her shoulder and had to continually prove things to me, that she was just as good as a man... It got tiring, because I wasn't in any competition with her... She was a damn good cop, and in a lot of ways she was a better cop than me. But she never believed it and would only keep on with the game until one day I finally got sick of the "I can do it better than a man" bullshit and broke up with her. She even went so far as to prove to me she could not only piss standing up, but her stream would go further than mine. (Don't ask, you're all adults and should be able to figure out how she did it) To tell you the truth, I really don't think I'll ever date another woman who is in a traditionally 'male' field again. Cop, firefighter, paramedic... It seems they all have that giant chip on their shoulder, and no matter how many times I tell them I respect them for what they do, I get the attitude anyway.

But getting back to what I was saying in the first place, this couple who were making the beast with two backs next door to me on company time... Well, they finally broke up and from what I hear that they made each other's remaining time on the squad a living hell. Oh, the fucking drama of it all!

I got out of high school years ago. Grow the fuck up! What the fuck were these two thinking?

I don't know about you, but I'm really glad I work by myself! And I can sleep in peace at night now without hearing the mating ritual of the Central Appalachian Prancing Paramedic...

Copyright 2006 Thomas J Wolfenden

12 comments:

Sherri said...

I'm envious Ranger Tom, I would give anything to have a job where I could work by myself too.

berly02 said...

I think it is hilarious that you heard them.
I have had some good sex before, but to sound like an actual porn . . .

Okie said...

"beast with two backs" ha! Never heard that one before.

Courtney said...

OMG - it sounds funny, but to actually hear it going down is so awkward!!! I had neighbors before who were screamers. I couldn't even look at them, it was so embarrassing :)

Cheryl said...

I definitely agree with you about the soap opera drama this breeds. Some day I will tell the story of when my manager decided to date one of my coworkers...good times.

honkeie2 said...

You never leave the mentality of high school, sorry.
Good to see you only made that mistake once, I have made it several times lol. Even married one of my co-works hehe, 4 years now and going good.
And I feel you on the women working in those fields, I date a parametic once. I never thought of it that way but that is how she was. She had a huge chip on her shoulder and always ready to 'prove' she was a real rough rider. But in the end she was not and I got tired of the game as well and left. It was fun for about 2 months then the games got old, luckily I left the job we worked at a few weeks before I hit the ground running.

Crazy Me said...

I've always had the rule of never dating someone you work with. Too messy, and apparently, loud! LOL!!

Becky said...

Tom, have you been reading WEB Griffith novels again lately?

Golightly said...

That should be rule #1: never ever dip pen in company ink: TOO MUCH TROUBLE!

Lisa said...

That was great. So funny. Worked in a place where it felt like a 9 hour episode of Jerry Springer. Gah! The bosses' fiance and the guy she was cheating with would come over all of the time. It was a mess.

Also, once dated a guy who worked in the same company. There were 900 people at the office so I didn't think it was a big deal but people got wind of it and when we broke up the engineers/architects were more than happy to tell me the guy's nickname was "Playboy Pete." I was mortified.

ahamilton said...

I agree dating a co-worker is nothing but TROUBLE. Been there, done that, will NEVER do that again!

Dirk said...

She even went so far as to prove to me she could not only piss standing up, but her stream would go further than mine
Yes, but could she write her name in the snow? This can be a real challenge if you have one of those polysyllabic Eastern European names.