Survivor

What has happened to television in the last few years? The amount of idiotic shows on now has made me not even watch it anymore. Even my old favorites like the Discovery Channel and the History Channel leave a lot to be desired, as even they are jumping on the "Reality" bandwagon.

Survivor has got to be the dumbest show on right now. How are these people survivors? The only thing this show does is teach the viewers at home how to be lying, cheating and conniving assholes. (I can attest to that, it is my ex-wife's favorite show and she gleaned volumes from it) My ex told me once I'd never make it on survivor. Well, no shit. I couldn't be that vindictive or hateful, even if the prize was a million dollars. And these cast members who go on these shows like Survivor wouldn't survive one day in what I survived doing.

So what if you ate live mealworms? Big fucking deal. I'd like to see any one of those people (The exception would be Rudy, who was a Navy Seal) do half the things I've done. Take cameras into the US Army Jump School, Infantry School and Ranger School like I attended, AND survived. That's REAL survivors for you. I'd really like to see these folks do what I did. In Ranger school they gave us all fertilized chicken eggs. We incubated these eggs, and when they hatched, we named the chick. Fed it. Took care of it. When it was fully grown we had to kill it and eat it. Do that.

I'd like to see one of those assholes do that.

Let me see them do that or this. I once had to skin and cook a spider monkey just to eat. After it was skinned and I had it over the fire, it looked like a tiny person. I felt like I was eating a tiny little person. But I didn't gag. I just ate it because I was hungry. I saw one episode of surviver where one of the tribe members was saying how hungry she was and I could plainly see coconut palms behind her and coconuts laying on the ground.

Give me a fucking break.

"Reality" to me means just that. Real. Life like. Not the contrived "Challenges" the contestants have to do every week like swimming in a lagoon to fetch a sand dollar or some such shit or picking up rocks or building a fire.

That's all bullshit. Here's MY idea of a real "Survivor" show.

Take two islands. Put hidden cameras all over them. No crews or anything. Take two groups of twelve people and put them on both islands. Give them only a knife and a chunk flint. Leave them there for one year. No outside contact what so ever. Whichever "Tribe" has the most members left alive after the year is over, wins.

Yep, that would be true 'reality'... "Lord of the Flies" Style. Now I'd watch that.

Like I said, most TV today is nothing but bullshit. But some shows do have some social advantages. Take the Jerry Springer show. That show really does have a redeeming function in society. It's better than any anti-depressant on the market today in my humble opinion.

Here's how it works. You're feeling depressed. Really low. You're ready to chew on a gun barrel for Sunday brunch or slit your wrists because you're feeling so shitty. You put the Jerry Sprinnger show on and watch the show for fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes is all you're going to need. You watch about some shithead from Omaha or someplace who's been screwing his brother's sister of having an affair with his aunt of some guy sleeping with his neighbors dog...

watch that for fifteen minutes, and you'll come to the realization that your life isn't as pathetic as you first though.

See, I find that a redeeming quality.

For now, I'll read a book.

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden