Thursday, June 09, 2005

Department of Homeland Insecurity

This is just too creepy for me to be making this up. Truth is always stranger than fiction.

As reported by the Associated Press, on April 25th of this year, US Border Guards at the Calais, Maine border crossing witnessed 22 year-old Gregory Despres (pictured above) attempting to enter the United States from Canada Carrying a sword, hatchet, knife, brass knuckles and a bloody chainsaw.

It's even weirder considering this guy's face. If I had been a border guard and saw this guy, I'd have just grabbed him and threw him in a cell or not let him into the country. Let Canada keep him.

But what did our great border security guys do? They just confiscated the weapons and let him into the country!

"Ok, you look a little freaky and you're carrying a bloody chainsaw, but I guess you're ok. C'mon in!"

Just look at this guy!

What would you do? If he looked any nuttier a squirrel would grab his ass bury him!

And they just let him in!

Just looking at this guy makes my skin crawl and they just let him waltz right in.

What did the Border Patrol have to say about this? The spokesman for the US Customs and Border Protection agency had this to say:

"We could not detain Mr. Despres because he is a naturalized US Citizen, and being bizarre is not a reason to keep someone out of this country or to lock them up..."


It should be damnit!

He went on to say "We are governed by laws and regulations, and he [Despres] didn't violate any regulations."

A guy carrying a bloody chainsaw and a freaky, spaced out look isn't violating any regulations? Didn't that set off any alarms and red lights in any of your heads up there? A guy this freaky looking carrying a bloody chainsaw and the other weapons had to have done something.

It gets better.

On the following day, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police found Despres' 74 year old next-door neighbor decapitated laying on the floor in the kitchen of his home, his head in a plastic bag under the kitchen table and his common law wife stabbed to death in the town of Minto, New Brunswick, Canada.


We've just let a psychotic chainsaw murderer into the country...

Finally the RCMP sent out an APB on this freak, and police in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts finally picked him up after a description of the suspect in the homicides had been broadcast in the US.

They found him walking down the highway in a brown-stained sweatshirt. (More blood, maybe?)

It gets weirder. As Alice said in her jurney through the looking glass, things are getting curiouser and curiouser!

In an extradition hearing in state court the next day, Despres told the judge he was affiliated with NASA and was on the way to a Marine Corps base in Kansas at the time of his arrest.

NASA? Really now. Maybe a space cadet, but NASA? I think not.

How did he get to the border? Well the RCMP ascertained that after killing his neighbors, he drove their car to a gravel pit, then hitchhiked to the border.


Some dumbass in Canada actually picked this guy up and gave him a ride? Whoever did that should be found and locked up for Felony Stupid, along with the border guards in Maine.

Sleep well tonight, America! Your borders are well protected by the ever-vigilant US Border Patrol.

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden
Photo curtesy of a reporter friend, WFIR AM Roanoke, VA (Thanks Becky!)


Becky said...

Wow. Someone actually gave this creep-o a ride? And I thought the border patrol guys were dumb.

No wonder there are vigilantes out west doing border security of their own. More power to 'em.

DivineMsN said...

His photo totally creeps me out. I thought I was gonna have nightmares last night. :(

Kat_womanx2 said...

This guy looks like the "runaway bride" aka Jennifer Wilbanks, in disguise...the eyes give it away...ha ha ha

I'm sure you remember her mugshots with the doe-eyed "Who me ?!?!?!" expression on her face.

Several comments were made about that expression and the size of her eyes, and it was later determined by some Burger King University psycologist that that was a key sign to some lame mental disorder they were trying to label her with or make an excuse for her actions....

Atleast HIS story is true and not fabricated...LOL

Ranger Tom said...


I had to post the mug shot as it really gave more power to the story... It wouldn't told the total story with just words.

Creepy, aint it?