Lunar lunacy

Wednesday is the full moon for this month, although it kind of felt like it last night at work. I have a theory about the full moon and I'll get to that in a bit.

Again, I do not make this shit up.

When I first went on the job I was still unjaded by a lot of human behaviors and was still baffled by some people's actions on certain nights of the month. I was on the job for about a year when I received a radio call one night to go to a certain apartment. The complaint was "unknown strange noises".

I got to the address and knocked on the door. The door opened a few inches and peering out from the crack was a disheveled man about thirty or so. I identified myself and he reluctantly let me into his apartment.

This was before I had 'seen it all' and I really wasn't prepared for what I saw.

This guy had his whole apartment covered in tin foil. Walls, ceiling, windows... Everything. He must of had stock in Alcoa he had so much aluminum in the place.

"Sir, would you mind explaining all the tin foil?"

"Laser beams." He mumbled.

"Laser beams?"

"Yeah man! Fucking laser beams from Venus man! Laser beams from Venus! They're beaming them into my head!"

Ok. The guy was nuts, but doing nothing illegal. I told him to keep the noise down and departed shaking my head in amazement.

Ok. Laser beams. Maybe I'm right and these folks are the normal ones and I'm the one who's nuts. I began to wonder...

A few years later my partner and I were doing what most cops do on slow nights with nothing to do. We were sitting in the sector car talking about all kinds of dumb shit into the wee hours of the morning. It was at this time I had the revelation about the full moon. I said that we always get the nuttiest of the nuts on the nights of the full moon.

"Yeah, so what? They're all nuts as far as I'm concerned" He said.

"Look at it this way. The moon moves whole oceans with the tides, right? And the highest and lowest tides are at the full moon, right"

"Yeah."

"Oceans are huge bodies of water."

"Thank you for the little geophysics lesson professor." He grumbled.

"Ok, so our brains are, what, something like 80% water, right?"

"Something like that."

"Well, If the full moon can move whole oceans, what is it doing to people's brains?"

"I think your brain was zapped buy that guy's laser beams, Tom."

That's my theory, anyway.

But last night at work I'm again listening to the Coast to Coast AM radio program( http://www.coasttocoastam.com/ )and the host had on this guy and I just knew it was getting nearer to the full moon, even though it was overcast and I couldn't see it. I really have to reiterate, I listen to the program for entertainment purposes only, OK? I don't really believe this stuff. (Although one time about five years ago, the host played a sound of something that had made my skin crawl. I had heard the sound before when I was stationed in Panama. I'll blog about that at a later date)

This guy was talking about an anti-alien abduction helmet...

Anti-alien abduction helmet!

I found the guy's website, so it's easier if you just go here than to have me explain:

http://www.stopabductions.com/

Do I think this guy is dangerous? Of course I don't. Is he madder than the March Hare? Of course he is.

This is the kind of people that find me. No matter where I am.

I was so glad when I had enough seniority on the PD to choose not to work on the nights of the full moon. I was saving my own mental health.

I still feel we need a Thorzine mist over the whole population.

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden