Thursday, October 13, 2005

All in a name

Last year when I was still working on the railroad I spent a lot of time in airports going from one city to another. Pretty ironic in a way, but that's another story.

So I was sitting one time in the terminal at the airport in Atlanta waiting on my connecting flight. I had a few hours to kill and I was enjoying the people-watching. One family in particular drew my attention because of a name.

A little girl around five or six was running around the waiting area and the mother was getting quite perturbed. Finally the mother yelled out;

"Allegra! Sit yo ass down over here!"

Allegra?

Allegra??

Who the hell would name their child after a allergy medication? I've heard some strange names in my time, but Allegra? I can just picture the family reunion...

"That little girl over there with the runny nose? That's my daughter Allegra, and that tall, erect boy with the excellent posture? Well that's my boy, Viagra..."

Who else?

"Well, that cheerful child over their is my nephew Percocet, and the man next to him eating the chili dog is his father, Zantac. The twins over under the tree are Prozac and Lithium. They're always sleeping for some reason. "

I just would really like to know if it's just better living through chemistry, or these people in a desire to be different just think these off the wall names for laughs, never thinking that it really could be harmful to the child later in life. Or are they just taking a cue from the not-so-bright stars in Hollywierd? Here's a few from tinsletown:

Frank & Gail Zappa: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Muffin

Paula Yates & Bob Geldof: Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie

Julia & Jamie Oliver: Daisy Boo and Poppy Honey

Arlyn & John Phoenix: River Jude, Rainbow Joan of Arc, Leaf Joaquin, Liberty Mariposa, Summer Joy

Helen Baxendale & David Eliot: Nell Marmalade

Angie & David Bowie: Zowie

Shannyn Sossamon: Audio Science

Rob Morrow: Tu (Pronounced "Tomorrow", get it?)

Sylvester Stallone: Sage Moon Blood

What the fuck are these people thinking? Don't make it hard on them. My oldest sister at one point joked about nameing her first born "Egg Foo" ( her married name is Young) but she only was joking. You want your child to have a unique and different name? Leave them alone, because I'll tell you this much, fucked up name or no fucked up name, sometime between the 4th and 8th grade, a kid a lot like I was in school will dub them with a really unique nickname that you would have never even thought about in your wildest dreams that fits them better than any fucked up name you can come up with... An sometimes it'll stick with them the rest of their life. Isn't that right, Sasquatch, Chewbacca, Squirrel & Pugsley?

And my friends laughed at me for naming my dog Fred...

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden

19 comments:

Kat_womanx2 said...

I actually went to school with a girl who married and then named her first born daughter Allegra in 1990, before the medication ever went onto the market..I thought it was weird then because it sounded like a musical term "allegro". Years later I was at the park with my daughter Ativan (ha ha just kidding) and from across the playground I hear someone calling the name ALLEGRA!!!!! Of course I look, and sure enough its the kid of my friend...I just knew it had to be, because that wasn't a name I was going to hear frequently....by the way I love allegra..I take it once a day...if I didn't I'd be a walking rash...LOL

Lindsey said...

It's rediculous! These poor kids are going to be teased like hell. But I guess it's not as bad as Jason Lee naming he kid Pilot Inspektor.

Tina said...

I knew this guy...and this is for real....who's name was Shi and his middle name was thead.....get it?? Shithead? I about died.

cantellya said...

Years ago at a clinic where I worked, a patient had the last name of Twentyfive. Ok, not as bad as a first name, but....

lollie said...

linny stole my post.
but isn't that name weird?
i like different names, but dogs at the vets office where i work have better names than that.

honkeie2 said...

But the most mundane name ever that I laugh everytime I hear it "DICK" nothing will ever top DICK! Well mabye a girl named PUSSY but I dont think that will ever happen lol.

Stephalupogus said...

NOTHING can be as bad as these 2 poor girls who come in to were I work - Ima & Ura Hogge.

Though the funniest I know of are the brothers named Timber & Grey Wolffe, the woman whose married name is Merry Christmas, The girl an ex dated named Panda Bear, and the list goes on.

The most annoying in my book has to be Pajamas - pronounce it with a French accent to give it a touch of class and ignore the uncanny resemblence to the article of clothing.

twisted panties said...

I used to house sit for a couple who named their dog Alegra as a form of Alegre which means happy in Spanish. I just called her Ally

cantellya said...

Dreamlover, until then, I'll go to sleep and dream again.......

Ranger Tom said...

Kat: I remember you telling me that story, but it's still funny as hell what some people name their children

Linny: I forgot about Pilot Inspektor!

Tina: What were they thinking? They've doomed the kid!

Lollie: I really hate thos cutsie names people give dogs and cats... "Poopsie" & "Precious" come to mind

Honkeie: Richard Cranium?

Steph: Defence rests...

Twisted: Another neurotic dog heard from

Cantellya: Hmmm... Now I've got women dreaming of me... I'm famous!

cantellya said...

We all know about the early bird, and "if he's smart, he'll stick that worm on a hook & throw it in the lake."

p.s. I'll make ya famous

Ranger Tom said...

Cantellya: Discretion, being the better part of valor, dictates I should just shut my piehole now before I get myself in trouble...

LOL

cantellya said...

LMAO!
Thanks for the laugh, M'dear! Indeed, thanks for the laughs! :)

Cheryl said...

Actually Allegra is a name. It means joy. But, what about Nicholas Cage naming his son Kal-El. That's from Superman or something. And I still think Apple is a dumb name.

Ranger Tom said...

Cantellya: I'm glad I could make you laugh...

Cheryl: Yep, Apple is a dumb name... I'm going to name my first child Nectarine.

Kat_womanx2 said...

I can't believe I forgot to mention my "used to be step-brother". I know I told you this one too Tom, and this is actually listed in the Beckley phone book. My Step-father Robert Ball, had 3 sons, the youngest was named Harold, and of course was tagged with the awful nickname of Harry. Yes, that'd be right..Harry Ball. And apparently this didn't do enough damage to him in his youth, so he married a woman named Crystal...I shit you not!!!!!

Ranger Tom said...

I remember that one too Kat. My ex had a friend in college named Dixie... She got married to a guy with the last name of "Cupp"... It's one thing to do it to your kids, but when you do it to yourself, well... Nuff said!

Kev said...

Honkeie2 would have loved to see the Fairbanks, Alaska, phonebook a few years back. There is a listing for Flopalotovit, Dick. He's unlisted now, though.

My mythology teacher from high school knew someone who named their daughter Pandora. While it's a nice sounding name, "Gift for man" is not quite what you want to name your daughter.

Ranger Tom said...

And you'd think if your name was that, as soon as you were able to you'd change it...