I am just sick and goddamn tired hearing of the alleged "abuses" at Guantanimo Bay.
Who cares? I sure as shit don't. These people would gladly kill you and we're so fucking worried about offending them.
I have a great idea. No more torture to get information. In fact, my idea is so great I'm surprised no one else has thought of it before.
It's fool proof.
Play the song "Muskrat Love" by The Captain & Tenniel over and over again, 24-7. That song heard just a few times would push anyone over the edge.
guaranteed every last stinking one of them will be spilling their guts out within seventy-two hours, giving up bin Laden or anything else the CIA wants to know.
I'm thinking of coming up with a CD I'll burn and send down to the interrogators at GitMo...
"Twenty Songs to extract information from the Terrorists, but not offend them in any way, shape or form"
1) Muskrat Love ~ Captain & Tenniel
2) Billy, don't be hero ~ Bo Donaldson
3) Achey Breaky Heart ~ Billy Ray Cyrus
4) (insert anything from Jennifer Lopez here)
5) Shadow Dancing ~ Barry Gibb
6) My Beautiful balloon ~ the fifth Dimension
7) Taxi ~ Harry Chapin
8) (insert anything from Pat Boone here)
9) Send in the Clowns ~ Judy Collins
10) Me and you and a dog named boo ~ Lobo
11) American Pie ~ Don McLean (This one is particularly vicious)
12) Sweet Caroline ~ Neil Diamond
13) (insert anything from Tony Orlando & Dawn here)
14) Escape (the pina colada song) ~ Rupert Holmes
15) Afternoon Delight ~ Starland Vocal Band
16) The Electric Slide ~ Marcia Griffin
17) The Macarina
18) (insert anything from Barbara Strisand here)
19) Leader of the Band ~ Dan Fogelberg
20) The theme to "Different Strokes" (if that don't push them over the edge, nothing will...)
Instructions: Play repeatedly, sit back, keep note pads and pens ready, information will spew out in moments...
Let me see the ACLU or Amnesty International bitch about that.
Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden