Gone

Before I left Arizona last September, I put a lot of stuff I had salvaged from my house into storage.

Dollar wise, it wasn't worth a whole lot but it was a lot of stuff that held great sentimental value and I really couldn't put a price tag on any of it. My old army dress uniform, a 2500 + police shoulder patch collection from departments all over the world that had taken me since I was about nine years old to accumulate, A bunch of stuff I acquired while I was in the army like a Russian officer's cap and an East German border guard's hat (That I traded over the wire at Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin for a MRE ) Photo albums, my 200 + 33 1/3 record collection & stereo, High school yearbook, a book shelf my father made me for my 12th birthday.

Stuff like that.

And tons of books. I had about 70 beer case sized boxes filled with hardcover books. History books, novels, my old textbooks from the police academy and college.

I had already sold off most of my rifles before the move.

It was a matter of logistics. I had to get out of Arizona fast, not that I was in trouble with the law, but that was coming if I'd have stayed any longer. I was going to put into use some really nifty things the Rangers taught me until reason won out over passion. She and especially her needle-dicked new boyfriend were not worth going to jail over, so discretion being the better part of valor I decided a change of scenery would do me worlds of good...

So in order to get out fast, I put most of what I had into a storage place in Chino Valley and fit what else I could into my car. I couldn't afford to rent the U-Haul for the trip and I figured I'd be on with the railroad soon after I arrived in West Virginia and could have the stuff shipped back east.

I had planned on being in the next class at the Railroad Conductor's Course at Marshal University and a conductor with CSX shortly thereafter.

But fate stuck it's fickle little finger into the mix. I had no idea just how screwed up my ex had my credit and I wasn't able to get the student loan for the class. So I got stuck in this McJob a lot longer than I'd expected and then I started to have vehicle problems and that forced me to buy another vehicle.

I just couldn't afford to pay for the storage unit any longer, and the one friend I had left in Arizona whom I thought I could trust to get the stuff out and put it into his garage fell off the face of the earth never to return any of my phone calls.

I knew it was coming and there was really nothing I could do about it. Even though it was inevitable, it was still extremely painful when it finally did.

Yesterday I got the letter from the storage place and my heart just dropped. All my stuff, and in essence my entire life from early adulthood to 2003 went for lien sale this past Monday.

It's all gone.

It was heartbreaking, but in a way it's refreshing. One last thing that's going to have me looking back. I can keep plodding forward a little lighter.

Back right before my father died I was living with a woman who tossed everything I own out into the apartment complex dumpster one night while I was at work. It was a really rotten thing to do, and I was still angry over it for years. My ex swore she'd never do something like that to me.

She didn't.

What she did was far worse. In essence she forced me to do it myself, and for that and a bunch of other stuff I can never forgive her for, but having me destroy my life like that is totally unforgivable.

Well, it's all gone now never to be replaced. But it's in the past and I've got to look to the future. My life is 1000% better than it was two years ago and I'm going to keep pushing forward. I can't say I'll never look back, for I must remember the past and learn from it, because if I don't learn from it I'll be doomed to repeat it.

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden