Thursday, July 28, 2005


I'm thinking of coming out with some t-shirts and sweat shirts with this little guy as my trade-mark/spokesdog.

In the bubble over his head, I've got a bunch of "Tomisms" I'd have him saying.

Here are a few of my favorites:

"Darwin was wrong!"

"What did you step in?"

"This is more fun than clubbing baby seals!"

"Piss up a rope!"

"Your family tree is a stick, isn't it?"

"Did your parents have any children that lived?"

You are a prime reason incest is illegal."

"Can I please have some coffee flavored coffee?"

"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings!"

"It's a Dog-Eat-Dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear."

"If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Mexican name?"

"Pissing off the entire planet, one person at a time... You're next."

"What was it you liked about me again? Was in my cutting sarcasm or acerbic wit?"

"You are sucking up air that I could be breathing!"

Ok, let's vote. What is your favorite? Let me know by email or comment. I'm really serious about this and would really like your input.

As an aside, the picture really was my dog, Fred, a Golden Retriever, whom I no longer have. At the time this picture was taken he was about eight months old and had just gone involuntarily swimming in a water tank when I was camping in Williams, Arizona. The name 'Fred' was an acronym for "Fucking Rediculous Eating Device" which fit him to a 'T'...

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden


Becky said...

I have to assume, Ranger Tom, that you've seen ("Did your parents have any children that lived?") Full Metal Jacket?

Funny story about a guy I know (OK, the guy I married.) You know the line about "Where you from, private?"

"Texas, sir!"

"Texas?! There's only two things that come from Texas! Steers and queers. And I don't see any longhorns on you so that kinder narrows it down."

My lovely husband had a drill sergeant try the same darn line on him. Only when hubby said, "Kentucky," which has no steers whatsoever, the guy still finished the line the same way. "Kentucky! There's only two things that come from Kentucky, steers and queers... "

Ah, memories.

I like the origin of Fred's name.

Ranger Tom said...


R Lee Ermey in my hero...

"Did your parents have any childern that lived?"

"Yes sir!"

"I bet thet regret that!"

Full metal Jacket was the closest to what US Army basic training was when I went through it... (1983)