Ok. I'm about sick and tired of this whole "Ebonics" shit.
Last night at work I'm doing my checks and I come across a few kids up to no good. They tried to intimidate me with fucking ghetto talk.
"Yo dog, we juss chillin' no wha I sayin!"
What the fuck.
I'm not in the Badlands of Philly anymore. I'm in Athens fucking West Virginia.
"Ok, pal. You're on private property. Take a long walk off a short plank..." I tell them.
"Hey dog, you keep dissin' me an my homies I gonna pop a cap in yo' az!"
Here's where it gets interesting.
I walk right up to what appears to be the leader. I stand nose to nose to him and say in a voice just above a whisper:
"Ok asshole, here's how it's gonna go. I was a cop in Philadelphia for ten years. If you think I'm going to be intimidated by your ghetto talk you're sadly fucking mistaken. And, if you even think about pulling a piece on me it's you're gonna look mighty silly with it sticking out of your ass. You think you're so goddamn tough? I'd like to take all three of you little fucks up to 23rd & Lehigh Avenue on a Friday night and drop you off. You'd piss your pants. Look at you talking like gang members. I bet none of you have even been to East Beckley let alone East LA. Take a hike before we find out what kind of health insurance your mommy and daddy has for you!"
The leader was turning a very pale shade while I was up in his face and by the time I was finished all three of them were about two inches tall. The grumbled and shuffled away.
"And pull up your goddamn pants!" I yelled after them and in one last act of defiance flashed gang signs at me.
Gang signs in Athens. Shit, that's so fucking funny.
Goddamn hayseeds.
These kids have no clue what it's really like.
There's very good reasons I'm not in the city anymore, and the behavior they're trying so hard to emulate is a big reason.
Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden
About Me
- Thomas J Wolfenden
- Thomas Wolfenden was born and raised in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and is an honorably discharged veteran of the US Army. He's worked in several different jobs throughout his life, spending fifteen years in law enforcement and the private security field. He has worked as an automotive detailer, ambulance driver, a nuclear medicine delivery courier, a dairy barn cleaner, and most recently has worked as a ballast regulator operator, a switchman, conductor and a locomotive engineer on the railroad. He's traveled extensively, through the United States and abroad, and lived in several States. Pennsylvania, Arizona, West Virginia, Kentucky, Idaho and Florida being a few places. He has written several OP-ED pieces for various local newspapers, and had up until recently, kept a political humor blog. He's a Life/Endowment member of the National Rifle Association and a strong supporter of the.2nd Amendment. He now spends his time between the United States and Australia, with his life partner, Catherine.
1 comment:
I wonder if those kids even know where the droopy drawer trend came from. I'm guessing they don't. (Jail - no belt, get it? Yeah, like that's so cool.)
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