Friday, August 19, 2005

It finally got me too

I had been feeling a little down the last few days and I couldn't understand why. I even started to get just a tad bit paranoid starting yesterday morning. I even sent one of those e-cards to a dear friend asking if I had done anything wrong.

Shit, I was getting as bad as Henry Kissenger.

I just couldn't explain it.

Then I get to work last night and it just got weirder from there. I got my patrol vehicle and my first stop on my rounds is the little diner. I get there and the girl behind the counter told me I had just missed all the fun. They had to forcibly remove a patron, the sister of another friend of mine, who was shit-faced drunk and became belligerent...

Wonderful. My night is already starting out great. I had already stepped in a puddle and now I was squishing at every step.

I got down next to the Deli Mart to see what's going on there. I walk in the place and everyone is crowded down one of the aisles, and I can hear a strange whining...

I walk over to see the largest woman I'd ever seen wearing the largest orange Mumu I'd also ever seen splayed out on the floor surrounded by twinkies.

Apparently she had fallen and knocked over a display and now everyone was standing around waiting on the rescue squad. Evidently the kid working at the store was smart enough not to chance a hernia in trying to help her up and had instead called 911.

Great. And it's not even 10:30 yet.

Not much else happened after that because it was raining so hard.

Around 3 am though, I witness something I thought I'd never see in Athens, WV. Walking southbound right on the double-yellow of Rt. 20 was a man wearing nothing but a smile.

I called the Sheriff's Office to report this... They asked for a description. I told the dispatcher: "White male, approximately 20 to 25 years old, brown hair walking south bound on State Street."

"What is he wearing sir?"

"Eh, nothing. He's got his birthday suit on and a smile. Shouldn't be to hard to miss."

Around 4 am the rains stopped and the sky cleared. I looked up and should have known...

Smiling down on me was the full moon...

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden

1 comment:

JenJen said...

Bartenders and cops are well-advised to pay attention to moon cycles.

Naked dude aside, the visual you provided of the mumu-clad woman splayed out on a floor surrounded by Twinkies (Twinkies!!!!) is a memory I'll cherish forever.