Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Crackpots R Us!

I think in putting together this blog my main job is looking up the stupid shit all week so you don't have to. I'm your one stop for stupidity, whether it's my own stupidity or someone else's.

I found a website a few weeks ago put together by Alex Chiu, an alleged "inventor".

He compares himself to Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein & Nikolai Tesla. Pretty lofty aspirations if you ask me. What did Mr. Chiu invent? Is it some new form of energy to take us forever away from the dependence of fossil fuels? Some new anti-gravity device to enable up to fly through time and space?

His website says:

"Many people have called me on the phone and scorned at me for 8 years. But I don't care. All I know is my device works."

Great. Fantastic. Let's hear about it.

"Giant drug companies don't want you to know this site. FDA wants me to spend 20 million dollars to get an FDA approval. TV and radio do not dare to air my commercial without an FDA approval. So the only place where I can advertise is the internet."

Know what it is? A fucking "Immortality ring". Wear this ring he's invented and you will live forever!

It gets better.

By wearing this ring, the whole world will be saved, it'll cure the deaf and blind, create a new space station, learn who God really is...

But you know what the most amazing thing is? He actually received a patent from the US Patent Office!

I don't know about you, but I for one don't want to live forever, and can you imagine if everyone could? Think the earth in fucked up now with all the people. Just imagine a world where babies are born every day, but NO ONE dies...

How long do you think it would take before we all ran out of food? An earth with a trillion dumbasses, and they NEVER GO AWAY! Think we have some major problems now, what the fuck do you think this would do?

It would be like having your annoying Aunt Betty come for a visit then NEVER going home... For all eternity. I think I'd be looking for ways to end it all in about two hundred years...

Go here:

http://www.alexchiu.com/

Myself, I like the idea of and end. To me death is uninterrupted sleep, with no fucking telemarketers asking if I want vinyl siding for my apartment.

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden

6 comments:

Lorna said...

I actually kinda really liked the idea of living forever but,I think I was imagining a life more like in "Highlander" and less like how it probably would be... There's quite enough wankers in the world just now thanks, imagine if they lived forever and the new one's were born everyday?!.
Na, think I'll just get on out of it all when the time comes!!!!

And Tom, just order that siding already... (I don't even know what vinyl siding is!).

cantellya said...

An earth with a trillion dumbasses, and they NEVER GO AWAY! Now THAT'S hysterical!
I think I might want to age gracefully to about 150 years or so. There's still so much to see & do & learn! But, alas, "who wants to live forever?" :)

Kev said...

Me, I plan to live forever or die trying. And if the immortality ring does not come with a, ahem, vitality ring, what's the point of living that long?

Ranger Tom said...

Kev, do you mean cock rings? They already make those...

Ha!

And I agree, the day I can't anymore there IS no point in going on...

Cheryl said...

Haha! That's so funny I almost peed my pants.

A. Darcy said...

Living forever would be fantastic, as long as we have some kind of testing system for who getts the privalge, stupid, youre out, annoying, youre out, smell funny, youre out.