Friday, September 23, 2005

Well officer, it's like this...

Of all the things that used to really annoy the shit out of me when I was a cop was some of the lame stories I'd get. Oh, the stupid people would piss me off too, but the lame excuses for the tiniest infractions were the worst.

Not that I did a whole lot of it, but I'd pull someone over for running a stop sign and the first thing I'd hear was:

"Well officer, it's like this..."

I've heard them all. Dropped a cigarette, changing radio stations, spilled coffee... I even had a guy tell me he lost concentration when the hooker he picked up was going down on him.


I was taught to believe a man should take responsibility for his own actions. Do something wrong and admit to it. If you copped to the offence I was a lot more likely to not give you a citation. Give me a bullshit story I'd warm up my Cross pen.

I didn't like writing tickets because I'm inherently adverse to paperwork. I hate it. Make me write a citation, and I was apt to dig out my copy of the Crimes Code or Motor Vehicle Code and find something to give you a ticket for.

I'm so glad I don't have to do that shit anymore.

Ok. So now I'm not doing that shit. A few months ago when my boss still had me driving every weekend to the mine outside of Richlands, VA. 67 miles one-way. One Sunday morning I got done my shift at 6AM and headed off back east on Rt 460 headed for home. It was still dark and quite foggy, so even if my little truck could do the speed limit I was playing it safe and slowed down some.

A few miles west of Tazwell, I see headlights in my rear-view come up rapidly and begin to pace me. The guy follows me for about a mile and the I see the blue lights.


Now I do have to say my truck is legal, but not real legal. I have insurance, my license is good... But I don't have a West Virginia inspection sticker... But I'm still in Virginia, so I'm ok.

I pull over, and in a minute a Tazwell County Deputy walks up.

"Good morning sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Well it certainly wasn't speeding..." I said.

Where are you coming from so early this morning?"

"From work sir, I was working at a mine in Raven, near Richlands."

"May I see you driver's license, registration and proof of insurance please?"

I hand over the requested documents that I already had ready for him from experience. He takes them and walks back to his car, where he sits for a quite a while, and if he was anything like I was he was finishing up the crossword puzzle and letting me sweat.

A few minutes later he walks back up to my truck and hands me my papers back. He then asks me:

"Mr. Wolfenden, might I ask why you have West Virginia license tags, Virginia inspection stickers and a Arizona driver's license?"

So I reply:

"Well officer, it's like this..."

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden


JenJen said...

Ranger Tom is educational!

Note to self... drop the "fumbling for cigarette while searching for Green Day CD" defense. :-)

Bekah said...

I always admit what I did...I know why I get pulled over, it's cause I am trying....hehe, just kidding, but I really don't mind being pulled over, you know me, little miss ILOVEMENINUNIFORM. And I know in my mind there is no excuse for breaking the law by speeding or committing any other number of traffic infractions, but sometimes it just happens....nothing quite like seeing that man in uniform in my side mirror walk up to my car with one hand on his gun....yummy.

Kat_womanx2 said...

Reminds me of back in December when I was pulled over in the ambulance by a game warden in VA while I was running a just know that anything you say is going to sound ridiculous..and by the way people..Yes, a game warden DOES have authority to pull you over anytime and any place for any reason...even if you aren't dragging a deer under your vehicle on the interstate...

Cheryl said...

So, why do you? Kidding.

Thanks for the insight into the ways of tickets...

Anonymous said...

...he was finishing up the crossword puzzle and letting me sweat.

hee hee, boy I wish all the cops that pulled me over were doing a crossword puzzle instead, sheesh.
Why do they always ask: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Lindsey said...

Ha ha...that's pretty funny.

Hey, is it true that a lot of cops are guys that got picked on when they were in school and they now had some sort of complex so they want to have a job where they can excert their authority?

Ranger Tom said...

Jen: Yeah, that'd be a good idea. It's pretty worn out.

Bek: I knew it was the whole uniform thing rearing it's ugly head again...

Kat: That's not what I heard... You had the back of the ALS rig loaded with illegal deer and you were smuggling them to UVA... And you're right, in most states now Game Wardens are sworn police officers...

Cheryl: You really don't want to know... LOL

Golightly: Why? To see if YOU know what you did and it's the first test to see if you're going to blow smoke up his ass...

Linny: Well, in a lot of instances that's the case. I was picked on in school, but I was in the middle of the bullying hirarchy. It was more an ethnic/nieghborhood thing with me. My brother was a cop, all my friends in the nieghborhood became cops or firefighters. It was just what was expected of you. The same with the girls at the time. Two of my three sisters are nurses.

Bev said...

I'm a little late in my response, but oh well...

Ok, but if the cop asks you why he pulled you over and then you admit to one offense, but he was really pulling you over for another, then aren't you just gonna get in more trouble?

Also, does flirting help?