Thursday, September 08, 2005

Do I miss...?

Well, I finally did it...

Went to bed last night at 10 PM and didn't crawl out until 10:30 this morning. God, that felt good.

That's not what I'm writing about today though. I was talking with a friend yesterday morning and the question was asked of me...

"Do I miss being married?"

That's a tough one. The quick reply is yes. I'm not going to lie, coming home every morning to my little apartment is lonely. I think about how nice it would be to have someone there when I came home from work to share my day with. I really enjoy cooking, but I really don't like doing it for myself. I'd prefer to have someone to share it with.

I really hate going to bed alone every night, and I'm not talking sex although that would be nice once in a while too. I also hate waking up alone. To me, there's nothing nicer than waking up to the warmth and feel of someone you care about next to you...

It sucks coming home to an empty apartment. The hours I work aren't really cohesive to meeting people either, 10 PM to 6 AM but I do have a few friends I sometimes spend my free time with. A lot of people just don't understand the night shift mentality. About once a week, I'll stop into the Deli Mart when I'm done my shift and buy a six-pack and I'll get "The Look"...

"Buying beer at 6 AM?"... And I just want to scream sometimes "Hey, asshole! I just got done working and to my body-clock it's 6 PM, ok? Shove your morality up your tight prig of an ass!"

So yeah, there is a ton of stuff I miss about being married.

But.

Do I miss the constant sniping and the little comments meant to piss me off? Do I miss being taken for granted? Do I miss the cats, dogs, horses and even the goddamn fish getting more affection that me? Do I really miss getting sex only six times in the last year of my marriage? Do I miss having everything I say or do dismissed, like nothing I say matters? Do I miss not being consulted about things around the house?

Do I miss feeling like a piece of furniture?

Do I miss being lied to about the "Business Trips" to Atlanta three or for times a year?

How things change. When my ex and I first started dating and then moved in together, the household chores were a 50/50 deal. We shared everything. Dishes, cooking, laundry...

And how subtly it changed... Before I knew what was happening, it got to the point where if I didn't do the chores around the house it wouldn't get done at all...

I could go on, but I wont bore you. That part of my life is far behind me. But yes, I am lonely to an extent.

So do I miss being married?

Yes and No.

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden

5 comments:

Tina said...

Definately don't miss being the fuel for someone elses anger, the name calling, the lack of tenderness/affection or whatever the hell you want to call it. But it's true, I too miss having someone to be there to come home too when you have a good/bad day at work, someone to fall asleep with and wake up next to in bed the next morning, and the feeling you get just knowing that you are part of something greater than yourself. But, then I question myself about the whole marriage thing. These "ideas" of my marriage compared to the way my actual marriage ended up are complete opposites. My "ideas" of marriage may be an illusion in my mind and might not have ever occurred in reality. Hmmmm ok where did that come from? lol

A. Darcy said...

I miss having a partner, not in the sexual way, cause god knows the sex ended long before the marrage did, but even when we hated each other the most it was still me and him aginst the world. It was the whole "I can kick my sister, but you had better not" concept. Not a good marrage, but still I miss having someone on my side.

Ranger Tom said...

Tina & Darcy: That just about sums it up...

Sydney said...

I do. Miss being married. Obviously, I don't miss being cheated on, but that didn't happen for very long since I'm not stupid and I left as soon as I found out. I miss having someone to share everything with (even the problems) lol

Plus, he cooked better than I do.

Bekah said...

I miss that whole knowing someone inside and out and knowing that they are there (even when you don't want them to be). I don't miss the sex, even though it was good. I miss the most just having someone to cuddle up to at night if I need to cuddle up. I have really big pillows now. :)
I don't miss fighting constantly or not being able to stomach being in the same room as him. Or dealing with his backwoods way of thinking or being made to feel like a villian for speaking my mind. I am better off now. The things I miss I will replace eventually.