Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Search Engine Warz

Several months ago I installed the HTML code for a webtracker on my blog due to an abundance of abusive, threatening and harassing comments and emails. I soon discovered that my emotionally bankrupt and psychologically unhinged ex was continuing to harass not only myself but several close friends and members of my family even though I told her I never wanted anything to do with her ever again and for her to stay out of my life... But still wont stop even after repeated pleas to her attorney for her to "Cease & desist". And she still can't send me the title for the Taurus.
Anyway, enough of that bullshit...
On to the fun stuff.
Not only does this webtracker give me my visitor's IP, location and time and length of visit, it also tells me where the visitor came from, like what website the visitor surfed in from. It also tells me what they were searching for when they found my little homestead in cyberspace.
I'll give you an example. When you type in something you're looking for on that little 'search' bar on your home page and hit 'find', you get a list of suggested websites from that search engine. Well, the webtracker I have installed not only gives me the search engine you used, like Google or Yahoo, it tells me exactly what you were searching for in the first place.
And that's where the fun begins.
You would not believe the search phrases that have brought people from all over the world to my blog. I've compiled a short list over the last few weeks of the very best ones...
They are a hoot. Here's the top 20 searches that have lead folks to my blog in the last three weeks...
1) Weepy lately war motorcycle accidents cancer
2) Cranial vomit
3) Sometimes it's not worth chewing through the restraints
4) Vroosh!
5) Deer hunting lodge male bonding
6) Is it safe to be with a person with nervous breakdown
7) Captain & Tenniel
8) Atilla the Hun faggot Rizzo
9) Great horned owl buckshot wound
10) Tom Selleck once a Jehova's Witness
11) Motor vehicle code in Iraq
12) Guns for catapulting assholes
13) GI Joe making French toast
14) Bermuda shorts Jack Purdy
15) Pat Sajak invocation
16) WV IQ Tests
17) Shitting your pants in outside movies
18) Ford manual transmission exploded
19) Drinking dewdrops
20) I don't deserve to live
My personal favorite is number 12... Where can I find one of those?
Remember Pearl Harbor!
Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden

11 comments:

Lindsey said...

I know...I love my tracker. It's so cool to see how everyone found you.

I can't believe your ex wife is so psycho. How did she find out aboutyour blog?

Ranger Tom said...

Linny: I have no clue... But she's been reading mine for some time, and has started to leave comments on some of my other friend's blogs now too... Yours included.

berly02 said...

Seriously. I'm a little weired out by you guys knowing what I was doing before I got to your page.

I want a tracker . . .

Courtney said...

OMG - those search phrases are classic! "Shitting your pants in outside movies." Awesome. Worth every penny that you paid for the webtracker.
But yeah - scary that someone can track you like that. I need to invest in one!

Kev said...

Funny.

Just to see what would come up, I Googled "Sometimes it's not worth chewing through the restraints." I found, among other things:

Gonads and Strife
Rockstar Mommy
AltSex: Doing It Yourself

and
Does your church tickle your ear?

cmk said...

No need to pay for a tracker, Site Meter is free. It can be found here: http://www.sitemeter.com
It isn't hard to set up--Blogger has easy instructions if you go to the "Help" section.

DivineMsN said...

You totally stole me idea for a blog posting! I'll have to put what searches people have done that lead to my blog :)

Becky said...

I have to say my personal favorites are 3 and 7. And now... off to see where my visitors come from!

Becky

Cheryl said...

haha. So funny. I want a tracker. Where'd you get this?

Lisa said...

#12 is my favorite too.

Airforce Guy said...

2 funny!!!!!!!!!! is she still buggin u? thats 8up