Friday, December 23, 2005

Suicide Hotline...

Last night we had a gift exchange and a pot-luck dinner at the firehouse, which was ok because I'm still in sort of a dark mood and really needed the company...
I was talking to my buddy "J" the paramedic, joking about different jobs, and he brought up the suicide hotline and how I'd be perfect for it...
Can you just picture it?
"Good evening, suicide hotline, this is RT, how can I help you tonight?"

"I wanna die man!"

"Ok sir, I can help you with your problem. First thing is for you to calm down."

"Ok man."

"Now, do you have any firearms in your home that you can harm your self with?"

"No"

"Alright, we can work around that. Do you have any pills?"

"Yeah"

"How many and what type?"

"I got about a hundred Percocets."

"Any alcohol?"

"Yeah, a fifth of Jack."

"Ok, here's what I want you to do... Take the pills and dump them in a blender and then add the Jack for flavor..."

"Ok."

"Have you told anyone else of your plans yet?"

"No."

"Perfect! Now blend the mixture up and pour it into a large glass..."

Culling the herd and adding a little chlorine to the gene pool while I'm at it...

Happy Funny Foto Friday!

Copyright 2005 Thomas J Wolfenden

9 comments:

berly02 said...

Well, at least I know who to call when I feel the urge to off myself. :)

Courtney said...

Don't quit your day job!!! LOL

Cheryl said...

Wow so don't be offended if I don't call you if I am having suicidal urges, ok?

I hope your dark mood lifts.

Lisa said...

That was great. Thanks for the laugh.

Becky said...

Something tells me if I ever have some dark secret I need help hiding, you're the guy to help me with it.

On the other hand, I think I'll stick with my girlfriends to help me through any blue days!

Bev said...

Ha ha - so funny.

Carolyn said...

Funny! Remind me never to call you for help, lol :D

Thanks for stopping and commenting on my blog. I used to live in Mercer County and actually graduated from the HS there in Athens (the old one, lol!)

Have a wonderful Christmas :)

Sherri said...

This mornings news program had a segment about how high the suicide rate jumps around the holidays. I can see why. So much stress and lonliness and everything, Christmas has become something I dread.

Very funny post! :D I hope that mood lifts for you.

Lindsey said...

LOl...you are crazy!