Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Ask RT, Week III

Dear RT:
I have a sister-in-law, "Mary." We have known each other for years. Mary lives in California, but she often sends us email, and each time she does she always misspells my name as "Ritha." (My name is Rita!) I have tried pointing this out, but she continues to do it. How can I make it clear that my name is spelt Rita without appearing too rude?

RITA IN NY
Dear Ritha,
Have you ever stopped and thought that maybe, just maybe Mary knows how to spell your name and is quite aware that this annoys the shit living out of you and does it anyway just to piss you off? Myself, I think you're being far too Anal-Retentive about it. In fact Ritha, I think you're Anal-Retentive enough to be one of those people who keeps their house spotless, won't allow in cats or dogs, makes guests take off their shoes before crossing the threshold, has plastic see-through covers on the furnature, that sort of thing. You call all your friends by their full names, ie; Thomas, Douglass or James instead of Tom, Doug or Jim... Lighten up Ritha or all this worrying over nothing and all your little OCD hysterics will give you and early stroke or heart attack, and if you die before Mary, she'll probably have "Ritha" on your headstone, and we couldn't have that now could we?
Copyright 2006 Thomas J Wolfenden

10 comments:

yep, it's me.... said...

could be a play on the name ARETHA
- people like being the copy gut - {SNL} and making up names
if i ever run across a real louis I will PUSH her off a cliff just cuz i am so tired of hearing velma! velma and louise

Red said...

That's great!! It also gives me a brilliant idea of how to further irritate a few in-laws myself...

tsduff said...

Ha ha ha ha Tom, this is the refreshing laugh I needed today :-) You are so funny! If a person wants to call someone something, so be it. And to have her "name" eternally on the headstone is priceless. Awesome advice :-D

Sherri said...

It's been so long since someone called me by my REAL name, I wouldn't know what to do if they did.

Cheryl said...

lol. Thank you for the laugh today, it was much needed.

The Ramblin Hillbilly said...

The sarcasm never ends. I love it

berly02 said...

lol!!!!!

cmk said...

I actually knew someone whose name was Letha. Everyone who didn't know her, thought I had a lithp whenever I talked about her. :) The one Rita I knew was a big gal--a bit scary. She made sure everyone knew her name was Ri-TA NOT Ri-DA. You NEVER made the mistake of calling her Ri-DA a second time. ((shiver))

Lisa said...

Great question and a very funny answer. Loved it.

phlegmfatale said...

My name is Rita - and I've heard it all. Rina. Renee, blah blah blah. People often spell it Reda. I don't get offended, these days I'm able to correct them by saying "No, it's Rita. Like the hurricane." They quiver and sputter when I say that, but act duly awed. Hey you know, whatever works.
If a relative insisted on calling me the wrong name, I'd throw it right back at them.